Quite by accident I’ve hit on a strategy where I can test someone for the presence of a trait or traits that I like. Or I think I can – let’s say it’s in pilot. I can then filter appropriately and /or set my expectations based on their response. I’m quite pleased with this realization, although I doubt it will change much of anything in dating terms, it’s at least an added dimension and keeps things fun. Very important that it be fun.
Let me back up a bit:
I’ve determined that I’d be much happier with someone creative or with some kind of passion for something than not. A person who’s moderate though, not the super-extreme ones like poets whose sentences can be so over worded and pregnant with multiple meaning, yet steady meter(!), that I have no idea what they’re trying to say. Are we going out now or do you want a ham sandwich? I shit you not. I’m not saying that’s right or wrong but how I respond to it is an indication of how different I may be – I’m setting their expectation.
From this I connected dots and came up with with my own call and response. It’s as simple as you feed them something you’re passionate about then wait to see if they respond with some similar work or something else they have the same level of interest in, or if they merely say, “Hey that’s fantastic”! Please don’t read me wrong, compliments are always appreciated (a sale is even better!) but I know now that if I get the latter response a whole lot of other things I like aren’t going to be present.
I’m sitting in a bar on a weekday night in a city I don’t know well. The place is starting to fill. The DJ just showed up. On a Tuesday night? Wow. I’m feeling pretty all right from dinner and a few pints. Took the edge off the caffeine I’d had at our initial rendezvous point. That was like six hours ago… I can’t remember everything I’ve said so far and I have to keep reminding myself not to stare. I’m buzzed.
Fascinating is an understatement. She has all of my attention. Did I just forget to breathe? There’s something that seems familiar about her… hell, we’d only met today. Everything’s clicking. Everything’s clicking?
She’s talking off the top of her head with no thought of consequence, or so it seems. She’s not trying to impress, just being herself. I think she’s pretty awesome but I still have my guard up. Being careful not to drop the wrong words and say something to screw this up. This date is a rare and addictive state all by itself. The weight from a rough year of learning experiences drags on me but I’m keeping up on my end. I think. I sure hope so. This one could wind up… grrr. I’m thinking about the future, I need to be here and now…
A few rounds and several topics later I catch myself feeling… unguarded. Vulnerable. It’s unfamiliar, and almost uncomfortable. Ok, frightening is a good word. I look inward, examine, decide that I’m safe, and the anxiety evaporates. When did I get so bound up? I tell her. Thought process and all. Why would I not? She smiles for like the thousandth time this evening and I realize my cheeks hurt from doing the same.
I Think I am Going to Become a “Dog Lady”…
So I read this post this morning (I actually got there via a LinkedIn writers group I’m a member of) about a first telephone call. Let’s just say the dude was awash in testosterone and bad technique… I was, typically, sympathetic with the woman, yet also annoyed.
I mean, it sounds like one painfully horrendous conversation from the get go and the guy sounds absolutely creepy. I’m curious, why didn’t she just hang up the phone sooner!? Given that he’s a stranger I figure he moved beyond any allowance for courtesy or mutual respect when he pursued a conversation path that she said no to. I suspect if it should happen again she will. It’s hard to pull new techniques/strategies in the heat of battle. Shrug.
“… They are nothing more than adolescents in adult bodies who have no respect for others’ boundaries and aren’t smart enough to realize that that type of behavior will get them nothing more than a series of one night stands and likely something that they will never get rid of (nice), which will make it even more difficult for them to satisfy those out of control sexual urges” – That’s not me so I’m not offended but that is some pretty mean wishful thinking. I wouldn’t equate someone’s desire to have sex with different partners and not get into an LTR with an inability to practice safe sex. Even if he sounds like a rabid wolf like this guy.
As we keep seeing, some dudes just aren’t built for monogamous LTR and end up jamming themselves into relationships they should never have gotten into because they let the people around them set their expectations. Then they violate a trust or otherwise fail at something they had no business trying to do in the first place. That’s a bad choice. Ok, a really bad choice.
Then, “10 Reasons I Would Rather Have a Dog Than a Man “. Uh hu. I appreciate how easy it is to get unconditional love from a dog but it’s pretty slavish and I can’t imagine ever getting that from a person I consider an equal or otherwise has an adult capacity for intelligence.
Granted this writer’s just venting but I’m confused about how a gameless bum like that even got on the phone with her to begin with.
I read this post Black And Female: Destined To Be Single? and responded there. Typically I was left wondering why some folks are hell bent on throwing themselves into a minefield. Why, people, why!?!?
I think in this case the blogger is using her fiance to achieve the Holy Grail, a Relationship [cue the angelic chorus]. She doesn’t come across like she respects or appreciates him and even spells out she’s having a massive communication failure with him. Not saying he does or doesn’t deserve it, hell I don’t know the dude or how they are together, just saying she’s raising lots of big red flags yet still moving forward with him. I can’t believe they’re even engaged. Wow, just wow. 😦