In searching on Craigslist I came across some oddball jobs. Seem to be some folks that want “little people” for the upcoming St. Patty’s day “events” among other things. I should mention I live in or adjacent to the NYC area, the perspective depends on where you’re from, as a result there’s also lot of gigs requiring people to have headshots. No, no, not just models and actors. Bartenders, Assistants, Caterer Trainees, you name it. It’s a very surface environment that way plus there are so many kids here vying for jobs that you can actually pick an attractive Harvard grad over an average looking one. There are also large media companies in NYC and and lots of stuff is getting produced here either out in the street or in a studio. I’m guessing the bulk of it is reality crap but the listing below still piqued my interest.
… is currently casting for 5 VERY specific character types to serve as walk on characters with NO speaking roles!!!!
MALE or FEMALE, with a very tall MOHAWK hairstyle.
MALE or FEMALE, SPOONMAN or SPOONWOMAN, must know how to play Spoons as an instrument.
MALE, STUNT GUY who is a LITTLE PERSON, must be legitimately be 4ft 5 inches or shorter and be athletic.
FEMALE, must have HAIRY or BUSHY ARMPITS. (MUST SEND PICTURE OF UNDERARMS w/Hair)
MALE, ASIAN or a PACIFIC ISLANDER must be fat/obese, maybe have a sumo type of appearance.
If you meet these requirements please send your contact information and 2-3 photos to the email address above.
ONLY SERIOUS INQUIRIES!!!!!
If you do not fit these character requirements please DO NOT reply, because you will be ignored!
Hmmm, I wonder what auditioning for this would be like…
“You call THAT a mohawk!?!?!?!? I’m looking for a solid foot of fin flying up there, hit the bricks, kid!”
“Ya know, you do have the spoons kid… and I hear ’em clanking away… you can stop now… but it’s not moving me… YOU CAN STOP NOW. I’m just not getting that Sound Of Music vibe.”
“Hey, what’s this kid doing here, was there a slot for a kid? Ah, hey… you’re certainly the littlest person I’ve seen today… what? I can’t pinch your cheeks? How do you feel about landing on things? What I mean is, I mean, how do you feel about being thrown? The landing part would follow, naturally… hey! I don’t think that’s called for little guy and I’ll just have to tell your momma… I’m kidding! Why can’t anyone take a joke anyymore? Where ya’ goin’!?!? Somebody grab that little guy, I like his moxie!”
“What’s up next… another bushy armpits? Ugh, I must’ve seen twenty today that were too curly, not spilling out right, It’s making me ill… this is for [well Known Music TV *ahem* company name here – ed.] and these kids need to bring their A game! Step into the light, honey, and raise ’em up… WOW! You could stand a pick in there! You’re hired!”
“Ok, show me some sumo… no, don’t just look at me blankly, put your hands on your knees and stamp your feet around like your smashing Tokyo! What’s that? …never been… well how do I freakin’ know what your motivation is? See this is the kind of sh*t that happens with these union kids, Marv! And who told him to where a thong?!?!”
ONLY SERIOUS INQUIRIES!!!!! – Indeed.
Unrelated but interesting:
Are you in love with crispy fried chicken and constantly crave it? Is fried chicken your favorite comfort food? Are you aware of the dangers of fried foods but continue to eat them? Are you unable to resist the aroma and taste of fried foods? Do you want to learn a healthy alternative so you can fry your chicken and eat it too? If so, we want to hear your story…